Stop Apologizing, Enjoy Life Today!

Hello lovelies!  Hope everyone is doing well.  I’m sorry it’s been awhile since I have written.  I felt the need to talk with you about loving yourself no matter what your size is and so here I am again.  I was part of a conversation during a lunch outing with a new group of friends recently.  There were women of different ethnicities and sizes.  All beautiful and funny as hell, it was a great!  During the lunch one of the women mistook something I said.  She was having a conversation with someone else about her size and I was talking to the only man in our group about something else and somehow we got our wires crossed.  At first she thought I was talking about her and she said something like “It’s okay I can take it.”, and I felt horrified.  I was so upset that she thought I would say something demeaning about her size.  It was a very confusing conversation at first but we got it all sorted out.  It got me thinking though.

It seems like lately I keep hearing the women I care about apologizing for eating or for the size of some body part or another and it makes me sad.  We should be proud of ourselves and never apologize for living how we want when we want.  Should we all be perfectly proportioned Stepford wives?  In our dreams maybe!  If we were all the same, personally I think life would be boring!  There would be nothing exciting and different to see.  Why do we beat ourselves up daily about how big our butt is, or how our rack is too small or if we just lost 20 pounds our lives would be perfect?  I believe we just need to adjust how we think of ourselves.  We are perfect as we are and our lives do not need to stop until we get to the “right” size.  It is a silly notion and frankly a lot of pressure to put on ourselves.

I am not saying to just give up your morning runs or trips to the gym.  I am just saying loving yourself should be number one on your list, not getting to a certain size and putting off life.  Things that make you smile.  Hope.  Love.  Laugh.  Dream.  If you happen to eat some ice cream along the way, don’t apologize!  You are beautiful and you should enjoy everything life has to offer.  Easier said than done, right?  I know, believe me, I know.  The one thing I have been trying to learn lately is that everyone is going to have an opinion but the most important opinion when it comes to me is my own.  If I hate my own body then how can I face the critics out in the world?  People are harsh sometimes, but if we know and believe we have value and worth it might make it easier to take on the haters of this world.  In fact don’t you think that we can be our own worst critics?  Which in essence is what I am saying.  Other people’s words are just that, words.  How they affect us is part of our own self esteem and our own body issues.  So you have a giant pimple, your nose isn’t perfect, or you are fatter or thinner than you’d like today.  You are still alive and well and should love every part of yourself every day.

We need to tell that little voice in our heads to STFU sometimes.  The one that says “if only I was…”.  Guess what?  If we keep waiting for the day we are perfect we might as well give up now.  Cut yourself some slack ladies!  We are the most perfect version of ourselves every day, we just don’t always see it.  Repeat after me, “I am freaking awesome today and everyday!”  Feels great right?  Give yourself permission to be human girls, because that is what we are, and that is just fine.  Laugh out loud even if your tummy jiggles.  It is so worth is!  Eat the popcorn at the movie because it is delicious!  Run after your kids and enjoy them!  Do what makes you happiest, just do not apologize for who you are because you are this amazing living being and you deserve it!  Life is hard sometimes, we don’t need to make it harder by beating ourselves up too.  We are all works in progress, just enjoy the journey.  One day at a time. 

Okay enough soapbox for now, signing off.  Let me know what you think!  Until next time...

My Life Lately.....

Hello my lovelies, I know I have been quiet for some time now, and I apologize for my silence.  This post is not about fashion or the usual things I know we all love.  This is a post about my struggles with depression and anxiety.  Not so fun topic, I know, but one that needs to be shared I think.

A few weeks ago, it felt like my world came crashing down around me.  I knew I was struggling for some time but I ignored it and hoped it would just all get better from a good night’s rest and maybe some retail therapy.  Plus, to be honest I didn’t recognize what was going on with me either.  It was like I was me, but in black and white.  I couldn’t seem to escape it. 

Then one day, after staying in bed for a few days, missing work and not caring about anything, I finally tried to get myself some help.  Had it not been for my amazing partner, my sister and some very good friends (THANK YOU!) who kept at me and tried to get me to see I mattered and I needed help, I do not know if I could have done it.   

A support system is invaluable when you are feeling worthless and scared.  It is very hard to believe in yourself when you think life would be better for those around you if you weren’t there.  It is a crushing feeling, this depression.  The thing is, I didn’t realize it was just the depression talking until it was too late.

I lost a very dear friend of mine a little over a year ago, and I shoved down the sadness, like I do with most of my feelings.  One of the days that I was in bed my friend’s sister contacted me and wanted to see if I would go to a remembrance party for him on the anniversary of his death.  I pretended I was fine, even chatted with her and said I would attend.  Once I was done messaging with her I felt like a fraud in a lot of way.  I think this was one of the wake-up calls I needed; I was tired of putting on a smiley face and faking it for everyone.  Plus, who did I think I was wasting my life when he didn’t have one to live anymore?  So I got my butt out of bed.

I called my EAP program at work and I got in touch with a counselor that I have been seeing.  I was very afraid of counseling for most of my life, but I knew something had to change.  I also tried to call a psychiatrist for an adjustment of my meds.  My PCP had put me on them originally, but I thought maybe a specialist would be more knowledgeable.  That was a big issue because not one of the psychiatrists had openings anytime soon, which made me sad for people in more desperate situations than my own.  So, I made an appointment with my PCP but that still took a couple weeks to get in.  It was a struggle to even get on the road to recovery, but it was worth it.

I am still on that road and I have ups and downs.  The one thing I find the hardest to deal with is the negative voice in my head.  It tries to tell me I am not worthy pretty much daily, but lately she is quieter.  I have anxiety that felt very overwhelming at one time, now it’s more of a dull roar.  In social settings it gets much louder for sure.  I have to remember to breathe, that I am valuable and that I am not the only person who gets nervous or afraid.  I used to avoid every outing so that I would feel more comfortable but then one thing my counselor has drilled into my head is that this journey might feel weird and uncomfortable at times, but it is worth it, it is my life.  I should be present for it. 

I am not there yet, but I am trying, and that is what matters the most.  If any one of you is having a hard time, please know I am here for you too.  I understand the weight that depression and anxiety bring.  We just can’t let it weigh us down so much that we cannot live our lives.  We are all worthy!  It is a rough road, but there are others who have felt this way and still do feel the same way everywhere.  I am here if you need me, and I know you are too.  That is what makes us all special, the journey with others who may be different on the outside, but inside we all feel and need each other because sometimes forget to care for ourselves.   We just need reminding. 

Until next time my lovelies!  <3

Let's Get Organized!

Twice a year when the seasons change I clean out my closet and move my sandals out and my boots in or vice versa.  My poor partner shares part of her closet with me so I can store my off season shoes in her closet, lucky for me!  I don't love the cleaning but I do love the end result and it's a good way to inventory what you have and what you need for the new season.  This process got me thinking about closet organization and good ways to store your favorite things.  I am pretty organized but I know some people love functional chaos too.  It depends on what works for you!

I go through my clothes first and get rid of anything I have not worn or I no longer like an put it in a donation pile.  When I move my shoes I only get rid of shoes I did not use for the season that is ending.  It makes it easier for me to decide what no longer works for me since I recently used them.  I then move anything I don't use to the donation pile.  I always donate my things and I hope that someone else gets some happiness out of them too. 

I keep all of my shoes in the boxes so they don't get dusty.  I love using plastic shoe boxes and bins for stray shoes that didn't come in a box too.  I also repurpose my old shoes boxes when the shoes are too worn to use anymore. 

I have my clothing sorted into groups by color and type.  My tops are in order from tanks to long sleeves grouped by color.  I do the same for pants and skirts.  This makes it easier for me to get dressed quicker in the morning and also helps me to know what I have and what I might need.  My shoes are organized pretty much the same way.

Some people use hooks for bags and jewelry for storage, and although I think its a great way to get organized, I do not use them.  The reason is that I hate to dust and where I live it accumulates quick.  I don't like to pull out a bag that has a layer of dust on it.  I think this option works best if you are a minimalist when it comes to accessorizing and you don't need to store large quantities of stuff.

I do have quite a few handbags and I rotate them out often.  I don't care if I bought it at a discount chain or at a specialty handbag shop, I think they all deserve to be well cared for and loved as long as I can.  I use the large plastic bins for them and think they are a great option if you have a collection you love too.  Also, did I mention the dust?  Yea it keeps that out too! 

Here are some of these organization items I found that are easy to use and can help you get things sorted.  All items are available at Target and Target.com.

Here are some beautiful closets for inspiration!  I know, these are extravagant but a girl can dream right?  Which one is your favorite? 

Until next time lovelies!  Let me know how you get organized and of course what you would like to see on the next blog!  Have a wonderful Sunday! 

Fall Favorites....

Fall is in the air and for me that means cooler nights, green chili stew and The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta.  If you have not been to visit us in the Land of Enchantment, I highly recommend you come for the Fiesta, it is beautiful!  

Fall also brings me back to the feeling of going back to school shopping and needing new threads for the year.  I still get that feeling and I suppose that is why so many women’s magazines celebrate this time of year with the fall fashion issues in September.

Here are some of my favorites so far this year…

Torrid pyramid stud tall boots – torrid.com

Fashion to Figure Sailor Button Flare Jeans – fashiontofigure.com

Caitlyn Wrap Maxi Dress – swakdesigns.com

Noir Collection Jetsetter Pant - Straight Trouser – torrid.com (These are my faves for work, with tall boots they are great if you want a pant that fits into your boots and it is not a skinny fit)

Torrid multi zip jegging - dark wash (multiple lengths available too) – torrid.com (these are on the way to me as we speak)

Franco Sarto Dominion Wedge Wide Calf Boot – Nordstrom.com

SimplyBe Animal Print Midi Tube Skirt – simplybe.com

Quilted Crossbody Handbag – target.com (I have this one and it’s beautiful and a great size for everyday use)

Plus size moto jacket with button tabs and knit ribbing – maurices.com

plus size striped cardigan with metallic shimmer – maurices.

Thigh high socks are great for us plus size girls to use as boot socks – I love sockdreams.com for mine.

So what are you looking forward to this fall?  I’d love to know, maybe I can even help you find something you love too!  Until next time lovelies! 

Inspired and Ready to Roll...

Inspired and ready to roll…

I have been wanting to start a blog for plus size women like myself for a while now.   I read several blogs from fabulous ladies for inspiration and it makes me feel like I am part of a wonderful club full of body positive women who appreciate fashion.  I realized I have something to contribute, and it is very important to me to help other women feel fantastic too.
Speaking of fashion, am I the only woman who has a hard time finding cute affordable plus size clothing in my own market?  It seems like I have to order EVERYTHING online unless I go to my local Torrid or Lane Bryant armed with coupons, because let’s face it,  we all need to save money!  I am confused by the lack of on trend plus size clothing in my area because I see women my size walking around all over the place.  It is not like the is no need for it in the market.  So where are they shopping?  My local chain stores occasionally have good basics, but I feel like lately all I see is crazy prints and ugly ones at that.  Why is it that if you are plus the buyers for these stores seem to think we want to look zany or like you love kittens and ponies to some extreme level?  I love animals but I do not want them all over my work or casual clothing.  Just because my chest is larger than some does not mean I need a mish mash of  crazy print all over it to make it more appealing.  It speaks for itself!  The plus size sections in most major department stores scream mature woman or mu-mu to me and the dresses and pants are too short for me.  I hear this is a problem for my shorter sisters out there too….except in reverse of course!  So the question is….who are the buyers in these stores catering to?  Who do these items fit well?  Definitely not me.  I also feel like a lot of the settling on what is readily available has to do with lack of time and money for a lot of us.
I can’t lie…there have been some  major improvements over the last couple of years.  I am a Target LOVER from way back and for awhile there I was getting worried about their plus size products but then came Ava and Viv.  Are you loving this line?  I am for sure, the price point is amazing and they are on trend!  Plus, the items are actually in my local store.  Bonus!
So what else do I like?  I love ASOS Curve, I found that one from reading Gabi Gregg’s blog GabiFresh, who by the way is great so check her out if you haven’t yet.  I also shop at Old Navy online for cute dresses and basics.  I love Alloy.com for plus size pants with long inseams (some even up to 37″).   Maurice’s, Lane Bryant and Torrid also has longer inseams on their work appropriate pants, I just usually have to order the talls online.  I love Nordstrom for shoes and jewelry.  The also have great customer service and fast shipping.  I have yet to try their clothing though but the Sejour line has been calling to me lately, so maybe I will give it a try soon.  Plus there’s Nordstrom Rack for great sales.  Simply Be and ModCloth are fun too.  On a beauty note I love, love, love Colour Pop!  Have you tried it yet?
So where are you shopping?  What do you love?  I can’t wait to hear from you, get some new ideas and share some with you.  I feel like as plus size women we have a right to high quality affordable fashion.  It makes me sad that so many of us settle for the zany prints because that is all we can afford or it is all there is in local stores.  I feel like EVERY woman has a right to feel beautiful and we should all feel that way when we walk out the door ready to face the world…at work, at the coffee shop, at the club….ANYWHERE!
Until next time fellow beauties…..next up will be my faves for this wonderful fall season with pictures and links for inspiration and so you can purchase them too if you enjoy them as much as I do.